Talking about female masturbation is still taboo and is a topic that, even now, is not always accepted as a valid form of sexual expression and, is addressed very little, because it means supporting the juxtaposition of women-sexual pleasure.
This is because, in the past, masturbation was branded by the Church as a sin and harmful to the soul and body, precisely to keep young people away from a practice aimed only at pleasure and not at the continuation of the species.
In this article we will cover the following topics:
Masturbation, a pleasurable physical need
Stigma and false myths about female masturbation
Women do not masturbate
Women who have partners do not masturbate
Cultural perception differences between male and female masturbation
How widespread is female masturbation
The components of female masturbation
Female masturbation in history
Female masturbation in the modern era
How to approach masturbation
Female masturbation techniques: how to start masturbating
Masturbating with sex toys and everyday objects
Conclusion on female masturbation and the correct approach
Masturbation, a pleasurable physical need
For women, masturbating is not only a physiological act, which is the basis for good sex, but also brings benefits to the woman’s own mental and physical health.
Indeed, female autoeroticism brings a number of benefits such as:
Release of endorphins and dopamine: these are neurotransmitters released by orgasm and physical activity and are provoked by pleasure as in masturbation.Potential improvement of sex life with a partner, both for women who are unable to orgasm with their partners and to better direct them to what they enjoy most. Autoeroticism helps to lubricate and reduce vaginal dryness, which often becomes a problem in menopause. Relieves stress that we know is linked to various problems such as depression, anxiety, psychosomatic diseases, heart disease, or cancer
Stigma and false myths about female masturbation
As we said at the beginning of the article, female masturbation is still experienced as taboo, with guilt, and with distinct differences from male masturbation, which is almost universally accepted.
As shown in a study, the difference between the genders, as far as autoeroticism is concerned, is 68 percent: in fact, on average, men masturbate 156 times a year, compared to 50 times for women, and not because they have more desire, as the result of the libido assessment was 6.6 for men and 5.5 for women.
It is precisely shame, social judgment, and lack of sex education that prevent women from exploring their sexuality through masturbation, which is instead important for sexual self-determination.
Why do young girls almost never feel spontaneous to touch themselves as boys do? Why the discomfort? Why the feelings of guilt?
In childhood, there is a tendency to tolerate boys playing and fondling their genitals, while for females there is much more embarrassment from adults, who are often filmed, scolded, and censured.
Here is one of the earliest forms of male-female discrimination in sexuality, where adults communicate guilt and shame but, also, fear toward female sexual pleasure and masturbation.
There is no mention of female masturbation, it is removed, and denied with the message of “not normal” because women are supposed to be passive sex objects who can only receive and not get pleasure on their own.
There are also many other false myths associated with female masturbation, which we are now going to argue together.
Women do not masturbate
As seen earlier, this is absolutely not true, quite the contrary! On average, women masturbate at least once a week.
Female masturbation and sex with one’s partner are activities that women have with different but equally satisfying results, because one activity does not replace the other, but is carried out for sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
Stimulating the clitoris is the activity that is practiced the most (97%) precisely because it is the organ used only for the woman’s sexual pleasure (infibulation is performed in Africa for this reason), in fact, there are eight thousand nerve endings in the area, about twice as many as in the penis.
Women who have partners do not masturbate
Women masturbate even if they have a partner who satisfies them sexually just as it happens to men, and in the couple, it could be an advantage to increase eroticism and complicity.
The important thing is to assess whether female masturbation helps or undermines the relationship because, if the female partner’s autoeroticism “consolation” to the unsatisfactory sexual relationship, this is not good for the relationship.
If this happens and, as a result, there is no good sexual harmony, it is a case of seeking help from a psychotherapist with training in sexology.
Cultural perception differences between male and female masturbation
The cultural perception of male and female masturbation is different because the male has always been ascribed a desire that must be fulfilled lawfully and absolutely, while for the woman certainly less so.
Because autoeroticism allows pleasure and orgasm independently, in the collective imagination woman did not and could not need this because she was always seen as sexually “dependent” on the male.
Women have always experienced masturbation with guilt and without the spontaneity and trust that males have for masturbation, which serves them as their psychosexual growth and knowledge.
Why women masturbate
Despite the sexual revolution of the 1970s, women masturbating creates embarrassment, but women, on the other hand, practice autoeroticism at all ages and in various ways.
Autoeroticism is procured, depending on what a woman likes best, by stimulation of the clitoris with fingers or she rubs herself on pillows or showers toward the genitals, or by squeezing her thighs and pelvic muscles.
The woman who masturbates usually has no difficulty admitting it, and it is important to know that it is a practice that benefits the mind and body and should not be stopped when starting a relationship thinking it might harm her.
In infant development, the child explores his or her body, and it is a key step in the discovery and knowledge of the body and its most pleasurable parts.
Also in this childhood period, there is a tendency to tolerate more when males touch their genitals, than females who are scolded or a clearly expressed prohibition is made.
It is this negative and blame-bearing attitude that introduces in the girl the sense of shame and guilt that she will later develop in later stages of growth.
With growth comes a sense of modesty and curiosity about sexuality, and with puberty and the first menstruation both parents and society exert control over the female body that is certainly more restrictive than its male counterpart.
How widespread is female masturbation
Certainly, nowadays female masturbation is more accepted by both single women (15%) and couples (13%), and from studies done, 74% of women admit to masturbation.
It seems that to date, female masturbation is getting closer and closer to male masturbation, although there is the difficulty in being accepted in the couple relationship, being associated with the idea of loneliness or the fact of non-satisfaction from the partner.
There is definitely a change in perception even within the female world that sees masturbation no longer as a substitute for a lack of a partner but as a right to pleasure.
Today, in fact, women are accessing more pornographic sites, erotic books or sex toys, or even the various TV dramas that talk about female masturbation.
The components of female masturbation
Sexual desire
Sexual desire arises from sexual fantasies, which until the 1960s was a male prerogative and it was males who were supposed to arouse desire in their partners, while homosexuality was denied.
If you are interested in learning more about this topic, I recommend my article “Desire and Sexual Attraction”
Sexual fantasies
It is the sexual fantasies that can help and give rise to desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm in female autoeroticism. Erotic imagery helps, complements, and plays a key role because you do not have to enact it or even, if you do not want to, tell about it.
It is a freedom that women take, but they are also afraid of it, precisely because they are free thoughts without censorship, but they serve a great deal in female masturbation for desire, pleasure, and arousal
For example, one study found that 64 percent of women say that in their sexual fantasies they were sexually dominated and 52 percent that they were bound; however, this does not absolutely mean that these fantasies then have to be acted out.
Orgasm
Orgasm also occurs in female masturbation, which arises from an arousing stimulus and produces vaginal lubrication (wet vagina), that is, small amounts of thick fluid.
Female ejaculation
Squirting, during orgasm, consists of a watery substance excreted from the bladder in abundance, which researchers have analyzed by finding enzymes that are also in urine, and which mix with the ejaculation fluid giving rise to orgasmic ejaculation.
Benefits of female masturbation
To have benefited from female masturbation, it is important that it be implemented in the right atmosphere, both internal and external, as a “make love to me.”
The erotic and relaxing atmosphere that a woman can create for herself helps to feel the maximum benefits of masturbation that relate to physical, mental, and sexual health and pleasure, such as:
The endorphins produced by orgasm, help eliminate or lower stress and have positive thoughts, on the one hand, the energy and relaxation of masturbation can help a woman have a restful sleep or could increase her mental and physical energy. Those women who have difficulty having an orgasm as a couple can help themselves with masturbation and figure out how and where to direct their partner in sexual intercourse. For younger women, masturbation seems to help soothe menstrual pain, and for those in menopause, in addition to training the pelvic floor with masturbation, there is increased blood flow to the vagina, and increased lubrication.
Female masturbation in history
By the history of female masturbation, we mean what cultural and historical changes have taken place in society concerning taboos, religious commandments, legislative norms, and studies done on female autoeroticism.
We know that in ancient Egypt queens were buried with all the objects they needed including the dildo, just as the Kamasutra explains the best way for masturbation.
There is no reference to it in the Bible, whereas in Ancient Greece they regarded autoeroticism, both female and male, as an integral part of their culture and society.
It was with the beginning of Christianity that masturbation was no longer taken into consideration being an activity that led only to pleasure and not to pregnancy, and it was St. Augustine who considered masturbation a sin against nature.
Same situation in the Middle Ages, Islam or Judaism, and the Enlightenment considered masturbation a serious act, not to mention the United States, which in the seventeenth century practiced clitoridectomy to cure female masturbation that was punishable by capital punishment.
During the same period in Europe, however, it was used by nannies to soothe children and put them to sleep, but that was until a Swiss doctor, Tissot, published “Onanism,” a treatise on the negative effects of masturbation.
Female masturbation in the modern era
Medicine, throughout the Victorian Era, regarded masturbation as a carrier of mental illness so much so that they forbade girls to ride horses or use bicycles for fear they would experience pleasure and prescribed infibulation or chastity belts.
The strange thing is that doctors used to treat hysteria by touching the clitoris until orgasm; and here was the birth of vibrators because doctors “got tired” of continuing the manipulation manually, as you can see in the 2011 film “Hysteria.”
It was with Sigmund Freud and Wilhelm Reich that physicians brought female masturbation toward the idea that it could be good for women and that children themselves masturbated.
We have to get to Alfred Kinsey and his research in 1953, “Sexual Behavior in Women,” that it was realized that 97 percent of men and 62 percent of women used masturbation, and it was, as far as the figure for women was concerned, a shock.
They continued, then, in their research William Masters and Virginia Johnson who in 1966 wrote “The Sexual Act in Man and Woman,” which caused a great scandal because every sexual act was filmed and photographed.
Heinz Kohut, an American psychoanalyst, writes that autoeroticism can become pathological if it becomes compulsive and repetitive masturbation, losing its characteristic of making a person and his or her body feel vital and real.
To date, female masturbation is still viewed with distrust and shame even by women, not considering it what it fundamentally is and that is an important, fundamental and necessary stage for harmonious psychosexual growth.
How to approach masturbation
Puberty is the time when girls masturbate to experience new and pleasurable sensations if they feel free without having a history of fear, shame, reproach, and guilt behind them.
Unfortunately, it is precisely this wrong approach that leads women to have a false relationship with little familiarity with their bodies and their sexuality.
It seems that masturbation and access to pleasure must be kept secret with the idea that it can only be a consolation for the absence of a partner or an unsatisfactory relationship.
When I ask my male patients in my practice at what age they started masturbating, they all tell me they were around 12 or 13 or, some, later, but if I ask women almost all of them tell me they never did it.
It is we psychotherapists and sexologists who note how future female dysfunctions, such as anorgasmia, vaginismus, or lack of desire, are often due to a lack of autoeroticism due to a sexophobic, rigid, shame-ridden upbringing.
Female masturbation techniques: how to start masturbating
Masturbation techniques depend on one’s relationship with one’s body and pleasure, so even if a woman has never tried it, I believe it is important to seek masturbation to better experience one’s sexuality at any age.
It is important to be well acquainted with the external genitalia, which is not clearly visible except with a small mirror with which you have to observe yourself calmly and patiently to try to understand what you look like.
External masturbation and clitoral stimulation
Clitoris: the most important organ of the female genital apparatus, with a sensory innervation that is the highest in the human body having eight thousand nerve endings (twice as many as those of the penis) and serving only for female pleasure.
It is made up of erectile tissue, so at the moment of arousal, during masturbation or intercourse, blood flows in, making it turgid, elastic, and larger in size.
The labia majora and labia minora also become turgid with arousal because of the increased blood flow.
Now you have seen how we are made so you can begin, after the acquaintance made with the mirror, the exploration of the whole vulvar area with your fingers, slowly and trying to feel the sensations you feel.
Each one of us will do it in the way that is most congenial to her in order to understand how to get aroused and how to reach orgasm because the goal is to learn how to masturbate the best and feel good, also exploring the rest of the body such as, for example, the nipples, another very erogenous zone.
Vaginal masturbation
It seems that only 2% of women use vaginal masturbation accompanying it with clitoral masturbation, which is instead the most common form of female masturbation.
In fact, erogenous zones are different from woman to woman and each has her own personal map: far from the genitals such as the ears, neck, armpits, mouth, nape, or back and those closer such as the buttocks, anus, pubis, or breasts and those definitely involved such as the clitoris, labia minora, and labia majora, the area around the urethra and the famous G-spot.
If the clitoris is extremely sensitive, the vagina in contrast is sensitive to touch and is a flexible conduit of smooth muscles with a striated musculature near the vaginal entrance and is lined with a mucous membrane, with fibers that are sensitive to touch.
Many women report pleasurable and erotic sensations upon palpation, distention, and strong pressure near the vaginal access produced by vaginal stimulation other than clitoral stimulation and which, however, contributes greatly to orgasm.
Inside the vagina should be the G-spot that was discovered by a German gynecologist Grafenberg in the 1950s, which indeed exists but only in 50 percent of women.
Where does it come from? It is an undeveloped embryonic organ that corresponds to the prostate of males.
How to locate it? It is inside the vagina 5/6 centimeters into the upper wall and can produce when stimulated, an orgasm that does not involve the clitoris but only penetration.
So many women use clitoral masturbation but also anal or vaginal masturbation using tools that can give pleasure and vary from person to person.
Masturbating with sex toys and everyday objects
Not all sex toys are good for every woman and, therefore, it is essential to be able to experiment with them to find the right ones and also to be able to use them with your partner.
By now there are various toys on the Internet that can be very useful and enjoyable for a woman, remember the vibrators that the leading ladies in Sex and the City had?
Remember to always keep them clean and sterilized and not to exceed in size, and they are also useful for exercising the vaginal muscles to tone the pelvic floor.
So green light to sexy toys (during the lockdown, sales increased by 87%!) such as vibrators, battery-operated artificial penises that vibrate (dildos), clitoral sucking pumps, and geisha balls.
The dildo or vibrator can also be used to learn more about the internal points of the vagina such as the G-spot and also to play as a couple, because remember that sex toys should not become substitutes for the relationship between partners.
Conclusion on female masturbation and the correct approach
Think back to your experience of autoeroticism and try again using creams, gels, or sex toys or in the shower or on a towel, or a pillow, and learn which hand motions you enjoy most and which fantasies are most helpful.
Well-being, satisfaction, and pleasure of mind and body should be your indicators in autoeroticism that will lead you to understand more about yourself.
Should problems arise because you fail to do so or it turns into an anxiogenic tool or you masturbate too much, do not hesitate to seek advice from a psychotherapist trained in sexology who can calm you down and give you good advice.